Books

The Heiresses by Sara Shepard

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This book was a fun read. If the shows ‘Gossip Girl’ and ‘Succession’ had a baby the result would be this book. The book was a easy read and I finished it in under a week. I’ve been on a bestseller novel kick and although this isn’t a bestseller I decided to give it a whirl (it is by the same author who wrote ‘Pretty Little Liars’ so I thought it was worth giving it a try). ‘The Heiresses’ has all the glitz and the glam of old money set in the perfect backdrop: New York City. I always enjoy reading books set in NYC and this one brought me back to my party girl days with references to the Boom Boom Room and Soho House. Don’t worry, I’ve a retired party girl and have entered my sober curious phase but that discussion is for another day. The book is a glimpse in the lives of the elite and what you come to realize is there lives aren’t quite as charmed as one would expect. This book had everything: love, loss, drama, mystery, affairs and so much more. I could totally see this book being adapted into a movie or mini series. 

Here’s my review: 

The Saybrooks is a household name whose diamond empire can be traced all the way back to WW2. The Saybrooks are the epitome of high society and from the outside appear to have it all. However, there is a decades-old family curse that has plagued them. 

Tragedy strikes again when the when thirty-four-year-old Poppy flings herself from the window of her TriBeCa office. However, was it truly suicide or could there be more to the story? In the aftermath of the tragedy the remaining heiresses: Aster, Natasha and Rowan try to uncover the truth before it’s too late.

Overall I liked this book and Sara Shepard certainly had me guessing. I could have never guessed the actual plot mostly because it was so outlandish and unrealistic. I do appreciate novels where the mystery is cleverly shrouded in more realistic and practical endings. Also, I did feel like there were too many characters to keep track of – it was quite overwhelming and easy to get them mixed up. The book ended in a very huge cliff-hanger and as this book was written in 2014 I would have expected a sequel release by now so Sara Shepard kind of left me in the lurch…will there be a book drop of ‘The Heiresses 2’???!! Sara, give the people what they want!

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Books

Never Lie by Freida McFadden

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I was excited to read a book by Freida McFadden because I read somewhere that Dr. McFadden is a practicing physician who specializes in brain injuries so I was curious to see how she would weave her expertise of the human mind into her novels. 

Never Lie by Freida McFadden was a book I could not put down. It’s giving haunted house vibes from the very beginning. At first glance I thought this book was going to be annoyingly predictable but I was quite wrong. I could not have guessed the ending if I tried. It was truly unexpected. The book starts off well, reels you in, but takes a turn for the worst. I thought there were many inconsistencies in this book for the whole purpose of creating suspense. I just don’t think the author really thought it through or maybe she thought the readers wouldn’t notice? I mean, I’m no Ernest Hemingway but I can spot a hole in a plot when I see one. I also didn’t love quite love the ending but that’s because I like a happy ending and you don’t really get that in this book.

I’ll do my best to provide a summary without giving anything away:

Tricia and Ethan are newlyweds searching for the house of their dreams. They visit a sprawling estate once belonged to renowned psychiatrist, Dr. Adrienne Hale, who disappeared 4 years prior without a trace. Tricia and Ethan get trapped at the estate during a violent winter storm and they conveniently have no cell phone service. 

To pass the time Tricia decides to read a book but finds a secret room filled audio transcripts from all of Dr. Hales work with her patients. As Tricia listens to the cassette tapes, she learns about the terrifying chain of events leading up to Dr. Hale’s mysterious disappearance until the truth is ultimately revealed. 

Never Lie by Freida McFadden is a captivating psychological thriller that has twists and turns galore. The foreshadowing and details in the beginning simply did not make sense once the plot was revealed which is a bit odd to me and left a bad taste in my mouth. To sum it up, the book was repetitive, full of plot holes, very far-fetched, and once the big reveal came, none of the events that happened previously made any sense. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I can’t say I am sold on Freida McFadden. I had originally planned to read the Locked Door next and had even reserved it from the Greenpoint Library but I have since canceled my request. Maybe her other books are more thought out? I might give her another chance but not anytime soon.

Would I read this again? Sure, it wasn’t the worst book in the world but there are better books to read such as the Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides. I will be doing a book review on that book soon so stay tuned!

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Books

Cleopatra and Frankenstein by Coco Mellors

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I truly loved this book but I will caveat that by saying I also have friends that didn’t particularly enjoy it so I think this book will surely divide readers. One reason I loved the book is as a New Yorker (I think after living here for 16 years I can call myself a New Yorker, right?) I felt as if the book truly captured the essence of New York. I think part of the magic of New York is you never know what awaits you around the corner. One seemingly casual night could easily turn into an orgy or a warehouse party in Brooklyn (not that I have ever found myself at an orgy but it’s a highly plausible possibility). I also found the complexities of the characters to represent New York. The author delved into the lives of the main characters, Cleo and Frank, plus the ensemble cast and wrote about their flaws so beautifully. This book touches on alcoholism and mental health issues but also captures the beauty and vulnerability in every human. You end of loving the characters despite their imperfections. To me ‘Cleopatra and Frankenstein’ really incapsulated New York and if you’ve never lived here I’m not sure you’d appreciate the book as much as I did. 

The book is highly readable and very captivating.The characters are absorbing and painfully relatable. I also loved Coco Mellors’ sense of humor and wit. One of my favorite passages is below from the point-of-view of one of the characters:

I need to make money. I need to write today. I need to clean the bath-room. I need to eat something. I need to quit sugar. I need to cut my hair. I need to call Verizon. I need to savor the moment. I need to find the library card. I need to learn to meditate. I need to try harder. I need to get that stain out. I need to find better health insurance. I need to discover my signature scent. I need to strengthen and tone. I need to be present in the moment. I need to learn French. I need to be easier on myself. I need to buy organizational storage units. I need to call back. I need to develop a relationship with a God of my understanding. I need to buy eye cream. I need to live up to my potential. I need to lie back down.

Do you see what I mean? Coco Mellors prose is hilarious and so relatable. 

I came across this review from the Literary Edit before I read the book and I could not have said it better:

A charming debut from Mellors, Cleopatra and Frankenstein is a beautifully written tale that is atmospheric, rich with nuance and offers readers a wonderful dose of escapism. It’s a story that starts with a classic meet cute: two strangers meet in an elevator as they’re both trying to escape a party on the cusp of the new year. Cleo – an ethereal yet difficult artists who hails from England is in her early twenties, while Frank, a successful media mogul is in his forties.

Promise lingers in the air as they ring in the new year, and a whirlwind romance, soon evolves into a marriage, meaning that Cleo’s expiring student visa and the borrowed time on which she’s living in NYC is quickly resolved.

What follows is an exploration of love and life set against a gritty and glamorous New York backdrop as we meet a growing cast of characters, each of whom have a part to play in the complexity of Cleo and Frank’s relationship.

Cleopatra and Frankenstein offers a shrewd take on the muddle and messiness of modern relationships; and Mellor does a great job of painting a fragmented world full of choice and chaos, and the search for true happiness. A love letter to New York, to the chaos of finding one’s feet, to the intricacies of waning relationships and to what it is to be human, Cleopatra and Frankenstein will no doubt cultivate a legion of loyal fans waiting for Mellors’ next move.

I actually find it hard to believe that this is Coco Mellors debut novel but was not at all surprised to find that it had been nominated for Best Fiction and Best Debut Novel in 2022. As divisive as this books seems to be, I loved everything about this book. The characters, the dialogue, the wild nights, the drugs, the fights. I loved how truly New York the book felt.

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Books

The Women by Kristin Hannah

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I tend to avoid books about history and war stories – there is enough discord in real life and I read to escape it, not live it even more. However, ‘The Women’ is a #1 bestseller on The New York Times, USA Today, Washington Post, and Los Angeles Times so I thought I should at least give it a whirl.

I figured I’d read a few pages and probably just toss it aside and move onto my next emotional support hardcover… boy was I wrong. I found it captivating from the first page and could not put it down. Let me try to find the right words to properly describe the tumultuous journey I just experienced through, and with, the main character, Frankie. At the risk of giving away the story, I will keep this summary short:

‘The Women’ tells a coming of age story of a young woman named Frankie and her experiences during and after the Vietnam War. Through Frankie’s eyes, we see the bravery of the men and women who served in the war and learn about the challenges they faced when they returned home to an unwelcoming America.

The first part of the book takes us to Vietnam, showing the bravery, cruelty and horrors of the war. The second part of the book is just as captivating, as we follow Frankie’s return home. As gruesome as the first half of the book was depicting Frankie in Vietnam, the second has was equally distressing as we watch Frankie struggle to grapple with her former life as a middle-class conservative young woman. The storyline is woven with humor, love, hope, pain and anguish. There were times where I wanted to reach into the book and give Frankie a big hug; other times I wanted to give her a good shake and knock some sense into her. 

‘The Women’ gives a new perspective on the Vietnam War, helping readers to better appreciate the sacrifices of our veterans. It’s a story about courage, struggle, and hope.

‘The Women’ is novel of horrors, betrayal and pain. But it’s also about love, courage, friendship and hope. I laughed, I cried and I kept on reading mesmerized by the characters and the stories. I definitely recommend this book. It was nice change of pace and not too complex for my tired mom brain. The author writes: “This book has been a true labor of love, years in the making. I first conceived of it in 1997, but as a young writer, I wasn’t ready to tackle such an important and complex subject. I didn’t feel I had the skill or the maturity to achieve my vision. It has taken me decades to circle back to the Vietnam War era.” I’m no literary expert but I think she knocked it out of the park!

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Books

Verity by Colleen Hoover

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The first book I’ve read in probably years is ‘Verity.’ Yes, I finally jumped on the Colleen Hoover bandwagon and I get the hype, she did not disappoint. It is an absolute masterpiece in thriller fiction. I could not put ‘Verity’ down. There was so many plot twists. It was a page turner up until the very end. The book was haunting, thrilling, and unbelievably captivating. The story careens to a jaw-dropping conclusion that will keep you ruminating, discussing, and debating. I absolutely loved it. I even gave it to my mother to read and she enjoyed it as well (and she’s in her 60’s so I guess it suits all ages). 

I don’t want to give away any of the story so I will just give you a quick synopsis: 

The main character, Lowen Ashleigh, accepts a job offer that seems too good to be true (a large sum of money and prestige). She’s hired by Jeremy Crawford (a total dreamboat who I immediately fell in love with) to complete the series of his wife’s books. It’s all quite secretive and mysterious. What happened to Jeremy’s wife, Verity? Why isn’t she able to complete the book series herself?

Tasked with sorting through Verity’s office to gather outlines, notes, and pages for the upcoming series, Lowen stumbles across Verity’s autobiography that has shocking and disturbing details of her life. This autobiography spares no details including sexcapades and murders. 

Lowen is torn between showing Jeremy the manuscript and keeping it hidden from him. She doesn’t want to devastate him, however, she begins to develop feelings for him and realizes the benefit of him reading about his nut job of a wife. 

This book had it all: mystery, sex, twists and turns. I totally get why it’s a New York Times Bestseller, USA Today bestseller, The Globe and Mail Bestseller, and Publishers Weekly Bestseller.  This book was originally released in 2018 and it continues to be one of the most-discussed psychological thrillers ever written (apparently there is even a Facebook discussion group devoted to the book). Are you convinced yet? Run, don’t walk to the book store (or better yet the library so we can save the planet for our minis)!

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Motherhood

New York, I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down

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New York City is getting me down. The reasons I used to love this city are now reasons I’m starting to despise it. The energy of the city which once made me feel so young and alive now fills me with anxiety and dread. The people here that once inspired me now fill me with impatience. My familiar stomping grounds now elicit indifference. What I took as conveniences now feel burdensome. This city that once felt magical now feels quite exhausting. 

I can’t quite pinpoint when this happened but it’s been a gradual evolution as I’ve stepped into the role of motherhood. Everything is simply exponentially harder. Should I move to a new neighborhood? Should I buy a car? Do I simply need a bigger space? Or is it time for me move out completely? How do you know when it’s time to move out of NYC??!

Before I had my son, NYC felt truly magical. I loved it here. I loved everything about the city. I truly felt that NYC was the best city in the world. I felt like anything was possible. You never knew who you were going to meet or where the night would take you. At any given moment your life could completely change. I can’t imagine spending my 20’s anywhere else. Partying. Dating. Hustling. Life was an endless adventure. From weekends partying in the Hamptons to nights dancing on tables at Simyone Lounge (what we regulars called SL) – I lived it up. 

Once I had retired as a party girl I focused my energy on my career. I got my Masters. I then conquered the CPA. I worked my way up from a Staff Accountant to a Controller. Years of grinding away finally paid off. I was financially stable and had settled into a happy relationship where we enjoyed nice dinners and the occasional trips to the ballet or a broadway show. 

Then Zoe came along and everything changed. Life has become so hard. Just getting around town is difficult. The busses are so unreliable. Subways are not only dangerous but mostly impossible to navigate as most don’t even have elevators. Taxis are out out of the question. You try getting into a yellow cab with a baby, car seat, diaper bag, and purse. And forget about Uber Carseat, it’s easier to get a reservation at the Polo Bar than it is to get an Uber with a carseat.

I used to love the seasons in NYC. Growing up in Southern California with temperature staying pretty constant made me appreciate NYC. However, the cold is simply not fun with a baby. You try wrestling with a screaming 1 year to get him into a North Face bodysuit. Forget about the balaclava – you’d think I was skinning him alive the way he screams. And who wants to put on 20 layers just to grab a cup of coffee and a bagel. Not me. Certainly not Zoe. 

I also can’t help but notice how dirty the city has become. Maybe it was always this dirty and I was seeing the city though rose colored glasses? Or maybe the city has gotten more and more dirty over time? All I know is that everywhere I turn there is a rat, mouse, or a roach or all three. 

Even the museums are overrated. I know, I must sound like a snob but hear me out. I recently went to a museum which I thought would be the perfect educational activity for Zoe. I had planned the whole afternoon around this trip only to find out once I arrived that I had to check in my stroller. And of course, I didn’t bring the carrier. You try carrying a 30 pound baby for an hour. I’m not sure if this is a normal protocol but I went to a few museums in Milan this past winter and had no problem taking the stroller everywhere. 

Also the people here are simply a different breed. I used to love the people. I loved their hustle. I loved their drive. I loved their ambition. The only thing I’m ambitious about lately is getting to bed early. I used to really get the New York busyness. But that was the old me: the go-getter Jules. The new mommy Jules just can’t relate. I no longer have that desire to climb the corporate ladder. The only ladders I see myself climbing in the future are those at the jungle gym.

I can’t help but wonder how much my life would improve moving elsewhere. Am I ready? Is it time? Will I regret it? Will I get bored? The grass isn’t always greener. And where would I move to? Long Island? Westchester? Connecticut? New Jersey? We have about 8 more months on our lease but I need to think long and hard now where I want to be in the future. 

Maybe it’s time for me to leave the Northeast completely. My parents now live in Florida and I can feel it in my bones that I will end up there eventually. Has that time come? I’d love more space. I’d love living close to the beach. I’d love being close to my parents. I’d love having access to good public schools. All of the quintessential benefits of moving out of New York City are quite alluring. 

Also, how am I going to convince my husband? He hasn’t had the same struggles that I’ve dealt with this past year. The stress. The challenges. The loneliness. The few times I’ve approached the topic he seems to think NYC is the best place in the world to raise a family. Maybe we can live bicoastal? We could get a house in South Florida and keep a pied-à-terre in NYC. That would be a win-win for everyone. 

What it really boils down to is what is best for Zoe? And what is best for me as his mommy? Where can I be the best version of myself? Where will I be the happiest mommy? Where do I see us growing as a family? Where will we thrive as a family? NYC does’t feel like the answer to any of those questions…

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Motherhood

Got [Breast] Milk?

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Does anyone even remember the ‘Got Milk?’ campaign or did I just age myself with the title of this blog post? For those of you who are too young to recall the ‘Got Milk?’ campaign I swear I’m a cool mom! Anyway, let’s dive right into today’s topic: breastfeeding. Or should I say nursing? I’m not sure why I prefer saying nursing over breastfeeding but I do. I think the term ‘breastfeeding’ is just too graphic for me. But I digress. 

Breastfeeding is not for the faint of heart. My journey with breastfeeding has been long, beautiful, challenging, painful, and rewarding. When I was pregnant with Zoe I told myself that I wouldn’t put pressure on myself to breastfeed, I was already getting enough pressure from family/friends/society. But of course once my little munchkin arrived I was hellbent on nursing. I had absolutely no clue what I was even doing. I hadn’t done any research, read any books, or watched any educational videos. I hadn’t planned to wing it but Zoe came early and I was not prepared. Lucky for me Zoe was a little pro and showed me how it was done. He expertly latched on straight out of the womb and the rest was history. I remember the nurses coming by and congratulating me and I felt like a total fraud – I didn’t deserve any credit, Zoe did.

What I also remember was the immediate pain. No one warned me about the pain. How my nipples would feel raw and sensitive from the sucking. How my boobs would feel engorged if I didn’t express the milk. How my nipples would bleed if Zoe sucked too hard. Luckily the hospital I delivered at provided nipple cream; the cream and ice gave me relief in between feedings. 

I had planned to stock up on infant formula at home in the event I couldn’t produce milk (which I highly recommend) but Zoe came over 3 weeks before his due date and I never got around to researching and ordering it. Fortunately for me I was able to produce milk. However, that doesn’t mean my breastfeeding journey was easy. From chapped nipples to mastitis, it was far from easy.

Ironically, just as I felt pressure to breastfeed, I’m now feeling pressure to stop. Zoe is now 25 months old and friends and family alike are gently questioning why I’m still nursing. I honestly don’t even know why I’m still committed to it. Partly because I don’t have the capacity to end it. I know there will be a lot of sleepless nights involving tears and tantrums when I deny Zoe of his beloved ‘milky’ and I’m just not ready for that. I simply don’t have the energy. I also appreciate the bond that I have with Zoe. It’s our special little time together. I’m not ready to let that go. What if I don’t have more children? Or what if I have another child and I’m unable to produce milk? I’m just not ready to give that up. Not to mention it’s a bulletproof weight loss program. It’s certainly better than any diet I’ve ever tried (and I’ve tried them all from Keto to Paleo). I can eat my little heart out (trust me, I have tested this theory) and still watch my waist shrink. I can finally skip Barry’s Bootcamp without the added guilt. Not that I would have time for a scheduled workout class anyway – those little luxuries are a thing of the past (at least for now until I can get my life in order). The extent of my cardio these days are chasing my son down the aisles of the local library (he’s become a flight risk). 

I’m proud of myself for sticking to it. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve been to the urgent care twice and hospitalized once all from mastitis yet here I am soldering on. Each time I sought medical help they had to give me multiple IV packs. Nursing is quite literally depleting.

I’m trying to not let societal pressures dictate what I do. 10 years from now I’m sure I won’t look back and think ‘I wish I hadn’t nursed Zoe for so long.’ But I’m sure had I given up early in my breastfeeding journey, I’d certainly think to myself ‘I wish I hadn’t dropped nursing at 2 months’…

My pregnant friend recently asked for advice on breastfeeding. She’s terrified she won’t be able to produce milk. But the reality is only 5-10% of women can’t produce milk. So don’t be deterred if you’re goal is to breastfeed. If you think about breastfeeding in terms of mammals, I’ve never heard of a specie going extinct because of their inability to produce milk. 

After all isn’t nursing the most natural thing? Although at times it can certainly feel unnatural. In the beginning when visitors came over to meet Zoe and he would cry they would immediately hand him over to me saying ‘oh he’s hungry.’ I distinctly recall feeling like a wet nurse or a cow (or both). I also remember feeling so awkward and nervous those first few months when I had to breastfeed in public. I’d try hide it as much as possible. I would step out during parties with friends or events with family and what I realized is that I was simply missing out on so many moments so I decided to just nurse in public and what I noticed is no one really cares.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to achieve in this blog post – usually I have a goal in mind but today I just needed to vent a little. If anything I hope I encouraged you to embark or continue on your breastfeeding journey! Thank you for listening and if you’re breastfeeding I recognize how hard it is: latch issues, inverted nipples, tongue ties, self doubt, etc. You are doing great! You’re strong! You’re resilient! You’re powerful! 

Below are items that I found useful for nursing:

  • Electric breast pump – I choose the Spectra S1 Plus Pump because I heard it wasn’t painful to use and it has a rechargeable battery so you can pump almost anywhere (I know someone who pumped in the car on her way to/from work but I won’t name names). I got most of the pump subsidized by my medical insurance so check with your insurance before purchasing!
  • Manual pump and milk collector – the Haaka Pump and Ladybug Milk Collectors are essential for breastfeeding (I ordered 2 of each). The Haaka pump is a manual pump. The ladybugs are useful milk collectors. Also these products are BPA, PVC and phthalate-free
  • Nipple Cream – I used the Lansinoh Lanolin Nipple Cream for no other reason than it was what the hospital provided and it seemed to be sufficient so I continued to purchase that particular brand
  • Breast Milk Storage Bags – there are so many of these breast milk storage bags on the market. While this is a fairly inexpensive purchase I would still do research as some reviews I read had leakage issues and the last thing you want is losing precious drops of milk (you’ll be saving every drop as if it was holy water). I purchased the Medela Breast Milk Storage Bags (6oz) and had no issues
  • Bottles – we ordered a bunch of different bottles but the ones that worked best for us was the Medela Slow Flow (something else that you will learn is that bottle tips vary in the strength of the flow of the milk)
  • Feeding pillow – we were gifted the Boppy Feeding Pillow and I’m grateful I was gifted it because it’s not something I would have bought but now that I have it I can’t live without it. You can use it when nursing or bottle feeding. It can also double as a tummy time for your little one. I must say it’s a genius invention and really useful
  • Formula – in case you either can’t or choose not to breastfeed

Below are resources for mommies who are nursing:

  • La Leche League – this is an online community of mothers all committed to breastfeeding. They meet virtually which is very convenient! Feel free to come prepared with questions as they offer information, support and encouragement 
  • Lactaction consultant – most insurance companies cover lactation consultants. I met with a lactation consultant a few times and found them very useful
  • Friends and family – I was lucky enough to have both friends and family that supported my breastfeeding journey and answered all my questions no matter how embarrassing they were

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Motherhood, Pregnancy

Nothing Basic about Basic Invite 

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I wouldn’t call myself a stationary aficionado or a stationary addict but I can appreciate beautiful stationary. Oh the joys of growing old. One day I’m staring longingly at $2,000 Jacquemus leather mini skirt and the next day (or a few years but whose counting) I’m fawning over fancy stationary. However, contrary to popular belief fancy stationary doesn’t need to be expensive. Enter Basic Invite. There’s nothing basic about Basic Invite (except maybe the prices). Basic Invite is a one stop shop for your stationary needs and with graduation around the corner this could save you a lot of time and a lot of money. They even have announcement cards for graduation and photo graduation thank you cards.

As a mom, I know you have a lot on your plate; let’s not add stationary to it. Basic Invite simplifies your stationary needs. Below are a few of my favorite things about Basic Invite:

  • There are over 180 color choices – it would be a tragedy to use periwinkle instead of mauve but that won’t happen with Basic Invite!
  • Custom samples – if you have strong cognitive dissonance, decision fatigue, or commitment issues (or all of the above – I’m not judging) I’m sure you want to see it and feel it before ordering. Basic Invite allows customers to order a printed sample of their actual invitation before they place their final order. 
  • Free envelopes – is it just me or did ‘free’ become my favorite word once I became a mom? Basic Invite orders come with free white peel-and-stick envelopes, ready to be addressed.
  • Address Capturing Service – You don’t have to worry about sending the wrong card to the wrong person (if only this were around when you sent that nude to your boss instead of your boyfriend or was that just me?!?)… Basic Invite offers a service to make gathering addresses from friends and family a breeze. Share a personalized link on Facebook, X (Twitter), Instagram, through text, or any other media to request friends’ and family’s addresses. Addresses are stored securely in the customer’s account and can be selected for print during the design process. 
  • Foil – nothing says fancy like foil. Foil cards are available in gold, silver, and rose gold.

Good news, Basic Invite is offering 15% off with coupon code: 15FF51 

So get to it mommies and place those orders now!

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Motherhood

Decision Fatigue

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I’m done with decisions. If I have to make one more decision my head is going to explode. I swear I’m going to lose my mind. Since Zoe was born I’ve had to make what feels like endless decisions. From diapers to bottles to wipes to laundry detergent to shampoo. Actually, the decision making started when I got pregnant. From selecting the right hospital to choosing the right doctor, it has felt like I’m riding a never-ending decision train. 

It’s quite exhausting and every decision feels like to carries so much weight. Every decision feels so crucial. What if I buy the sunscreen with benzene? What if I buy the oatmeal with heavy metals? What if I buy the toothpaste with fluoride? Sadly a lot of brands that purport to be ‘clean’ are far from it so I need to research EVERYTHING. 

Some decisions are bigger than others, such as finding the right pediatrician or hiring a part-time nanny. These are the decisions I do not take lightly. They directly impact the health, happiness and wellbeing of my son. 

Other decisions are by nature not as colossal, for example choosing swaddles or burp clothes. But even these require some research. After doing some online reading I found out that the clothing industry is notoriously toxic. With the addition of dyes, formaldehyde, flame retardants, and pesticides it became clear that even clothing was something I had to scrutinize before buying (which is why I try to purchase exclusively 100% certified organic for Zoe, when possible).

I resent my husband for not helping but I also can’t imagine any husband that is taking this on. Why does this all fall on us mommies? We already do so much. I’m sure most mommies can relate. The burden is too much for us. This is the invisible labor that is my burden and my burden alone. While my husband is drifting off to sleep, I’m still scrolling for a BPA free, dishwasher safe, non-toxic teether for my little tot. I’ve never wanted to divorce him more. How could he possibly sleep when we have a laundry list of things that we need to get for Zoe?

I’ve been agonizing over every decision as if I was selecting his future college. The weight of the decisions takes a toll. Choosing a color for my nails at my last pedicure felt like a chore. I’m sick of making decisions. 

I wonder if every mother goes through these motions. Does every mother feel this way? The pressure to make the right decision otherwise the entire future trajectory of Zoe’s life will forever change? 

What neighborhood will we raise Zoe? Upper West Side? Tribeca? West Village? Or will we venture deeper into Brooklyn? Or perhaps we will migrate further out to Westchester or Long Island. Or will we leave NY altogether? Maybe Jersey or Connecticut? Maybe the east coast isn’t the best upbringing for Zoe. I’ve always wanted to move to Florida but is that what is best for Zoe?

Where will Zoe go for school? Public? Private? I went to public school but my husband went to private school. What is best for Zoe? What is best for our family? We also don’t have unlimited money so we need to look at our finances and budget accordingly.

The decisions my husband and I make now will affect my son for the rest of his life. That feels heavy. That stakes are high. I just want to do the right thing for him. I want to give him all the things I never had. I want him to live a full life. I want him to reflect on his childhood with only happy and fond memories. 

I miss the days when the toughest decision I had to make was where I was going to be able to snag a reservation for dinner. 

If you’re feeling like me and are completely overwhelmed with all of the decisions we as mommies have to make then let me remind you that you’re not alone. I feel for you. I hear you. I’m right there with you sister. 

I’ve compiled a list of ways to make our life a tiny bit easier:

  • Apps – there are apps that you can download and then take a picture of the barcode of the item you are looking into and they either rate it or give you a grade of the item plus an explanation. One that I particularly like for food and personal care is Yuka
  • Friends/family – what I have started to do is lean on like-minded friends and family. I have friends/family that are exactly like me and want the very best for their children
  • Blogs – there are blogs that do the dirty work for you so you can sit back, grab a snack and simply put items directly into your cart knowing they’ve been vetted… hint hint The Mommy Archives!
  • Delegate – sometimes you just need to ask for help. My husband is great at electronics so I asked him to find the best baby monitor and nanny cameras for us. My father is great with cars so I asked him to look into a new car for me as taking the subway with a toddler plus stroller plus diaper bag has become impossible and I’m sick of relying on taxis/Uber/Lyft
  • Facebook Groups – I know what you’re thinking, people still use Facebook? The answer is surprisingly yes. There are some really fantastic mommy groups on Facebook that have a plethora of information. And if you don’t see what you’re looking for, feel free to post on the group and women from all over will jump in to help. Don’t worry, you can post annonomously if you’d like. I’m in a few local Mommy Groups and my most recent post was trying to secure a venue for Zoe’s first birthday. They mommies came through and found me a convenient and affordable establishment

Whatever you can do to take the load off yourself will payoff. You certainly can’t do this alone! It will get easier, I promise! 

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Pregnancy

Baby Registry Must Haves – the Short List Every Mommy-to-be Needs

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The whole baby market is a complete racket. Don’t get sucked in. Sure if I had a 4 bedroom house with a 2 car garage maybe I’d get all the bells and whistles but I don’t. I have a 1,600 square foot apartment in NYC (which is actually quite big for city standards) and I’d like to take a more minimalistic approach, if possible, because we all know this is just the beginning and the baby stuff will inevitably increase over time. Therefore, I need to be careful with both purchases and gifts.

And I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not a bad mom if you don’t buy three thousand baby items. I swear the whole baby industry preys on poor mommies and their mom guilt. You’re an exceptional mommy! You don’t need all the extra clutter! You don’t need all the extra stuff! Let’s focus on what you do need (besides a day at the spa).

I remember when I put my registry together I felt so overwhelmed. I put it off for months until I really couldn’t put it off any longer. Let me help you put together a concise list of items you actually need. I also added commentary on what we selected in each particular category:

  • Stroller – we thought long and hard on which stroller to buy. Since we live in Manhattan and space is limited we had originally decided that we didn’t want to have two strollers (one for traveling and one for everyday). We purchased the UPPAbaby Minu hoping it would satisfy both needs. I love that the Minu is lightweight and travels so easily (some of the elevators in Europe are so small, our Bugaboo Fox would never have stood a chance). UPPAbaby also has a great warranty – we had a brake issue earlier this year and they sent us a brand new frame without any issues. We’ve traveled to Italy, the UK, Panama and Florida with the UPPAbaby Minu and have no complaints thus far. However, as Zoe got older and bigger and started to have daily stroller strikes we thought maybe it was time for an upgrade. Enter Bugaboo Fox. So far the Bugaboo Fox has been amazing. I’m loving the features. It does take some getting used to as I find the smaller, lighter strollers are more agile. However, there’s no denying that the Bugaboo Fox is a more comfortable ride for Zoe. I also like that it has a much larger storage basket so my grocery runs have been much easier. We also got the wheeled ride on board so when Zoe is sick of sitting in the stroller seat but doesn’t want to walk he’s able to sit or stand on the board. I swore I would never be the mom with multiple strollers but here I am with 2 (or 3 if you count the Doona which brings me to my next item…)
  • Car seat – Doona Car Seat/Infant Stroller is brilliant. It’s an infant car seat that also doubles as a stroller (all one piece). It’s super convenient, especially for city life
  • Electric breast pump – I choose the Spectra S1 Plus Pump because I heard it wasn’t painful to use and it has a rechargeable battery so you can pump almost anywhere (I know someone who pumped in the car on her way to/from work). I got most of the pump subsidized by my medical insurance so check with your insurance before purchasing!
  • Manual pump and milk collector – if you plan on breastfeeding, the Haaka Pump and Ladybug Milk Collectors are essential (I ordered 2 of each). The Haaka pump is a manual pump. The ladybugs are useful milk collectors. Also these products are BPA, PVC and phthalate-free
  • Crib – we went with the Oeuf Sparrow Crib. Our main criteria was non-toxic and sturdy and the Oeuf checked both boxes. Also, the finishes are non-toxic, water-based and free of VOC health hazards
  • Mattress – since we went with the Oeuf Crib we selected an Oeuf Mattress. We purchased the Pure & Simple Organic & Natural Crib Mattress. We liked that it was made with 100% certified organic cotton and GREENGUARD certified
  • Play gym – we purchased the Lovevery Play Gym. I liked that it was something that could grow with our son (it cleverly turns into a tent once your baby outgrows tummy time). It’s very smartly designed with different developmental areas. Also, the products used are safe
  • Duck thermometer – when you’re going on so little sleep, the last thing you want to do is question if the bath water is the right temperature (I was so sleep deprived I didn’t even trust myself). I purchased this Dreambaby Duck Thermometer a few weeks after the baby was born and loved it. I now travel with it since it’s small and doesn’t take up a lot of space. Ours can also tell the temperature of a room (not just water) which comes in handy. This also doubles as a play toy for my son
  • Bouncer – the Babybjorn Bouncer is the holy grail of bouncers. This was one of the best gifts we received; the baby loved being in it. I was so sad when he’d outgrown it. Someone gifted us an extra fabric seat cover which at the time I thought was a waste of $100 but I quickly learned how useful the extra fabric cover was
  • High chair – we got the Mima Moon High Chair and as I much as I loved how smart and sleek it looked in our kitchen I found it a bit annoying to clean. My parents have the Abiie Beyond High Chair for when we visit and after a few months we traded ours out for the Abiie and have been quite happy. It’s also BPA free, latex free, lead free, and phthalate free
  • Noise machine and night light – the Hatch Rest Noise Machine and Night Light is hands down one of the best gifts we received. It has multiple settings for sounds and light. It even has a time to rise clock for when your baby gets older (you can change the color to help your son/daughter learn when it’s time to wake up). If only they made a noise machine, night light and baby monitor…if anyone wants to launch a start-up with me and take it to Shark Tank you know where to find your girl lol
  • Baby monitor – speaking of  baby monitors, that is another essential. We went with the Owlet. I like the Owlet but it’s an app on my phone which isn’t super convenient for when the nanny is watching the baby so now I need to buy another monitor that comes with a screen. These are the things I didn’t think about when I purchased the items so keep that in mind when you’re selecting your baby monitor 
  • Foam mat – we purchased the Wander and Roam Reversible Antelope and Stripe Foam Play Mat. When most mats are obniouxly colorful and tacky, this mat is muted and beautiful. It’s also reversible which is fun when you want to change things up. Plus it’s made with non-toxic (latex, BPA, formamide, and PVC free) TPU foam
  • Bottles – we ordered a bunch of different bottles but the ones that worked best for us was the Medela Slow Flow (something else that you will learn is that bottle tips vary in the strength of the flow of the milk)
  • Feeding pillow – we were gifted the Boppy Feeding Pillow and I’m grateful I was gifted it because it’s not something I would have bought but now that I have it I can’t live without it. You can use it when nursing or bottle feeding. It can also double as a tummy time for your little one. I must say it’s a genius invention and really useful 
  • Breast Milk Storage Bags – there are so many of these breast milk storage bags on the market. While this is a fairly inexpensive purchase I would still do research as some reviews I read had leakage issues and the last thing you want is losing precious drops of milk (you’ll be saving every drop as if it was holy water). I purchased the Medela Breast Milk Storage Bags (6oz) and had no issues
  • Formula – in case you either can’t or choose not to breastfeed 
  • Portable diaper changing pad – we purchased the KeaBabies Diaper Changing Pad. There are so many on the market and all pretty much can do the job. I wanted one that was compact, simple, and was machine washable (just think about how dirty the diaper changing stations are at airports and busy restaurants)
  • Electric nail file – this was one of the best purchases we made. Newborn babies have nails that are somehow razor sharp and require constant care. Electric nail files are efficient and painless. We purchases the Little Martin’s Drawer Electric Nail Trimmer
  • Thermometer – you will inevitably need a thermometer. We opted for the American Red Cross Deluxe Health and Grooming Kit that came with a thermometer and other baby essentials including a medicine dispenser, brush, and comb. There are a bunch of these kits on the market and you can’t really go wrong. I particularly liked this one because it was BPA free
  • Disposable diapers – I’ve put off posting this blog post because the diaper research never seems to end for me. I started out with Coterie and while I like them I could never seem to get the subscription right (I either had too many and then my son had moved up a size and we didn’t know what to do with the extra diapers that he had outgrown or we had too little and I was scrambling to locate more diapers at the local Whole Foods which NEVER seemed to have his size in stock). So we then moved on to HealthyBaby which is the only diaper that is EWG verified. That has to count for something right? My advice is definitely do your research on diapers because so many have chlorine, fragrances, dyes, parabens, etc. and you definitely don’t want that for you baby. Also, here’s your reminder to stock up on diapers as you’ll be going through them pretty quickly. 
  • Cloth diapers – when my son was around 1.5 my sister gifted us some cloth diapers and I wish I had started using them sooner. Cloth diapers are definitely more work but not as painful as I thought it would be. I mean I’ve become so desensitized to his poopy diapers that cleaning the cloth diapers isn’t so bad. We have been using the Grovia Diapers and I actually love them and they’re such a money saver – I’ve done the math and believe it or not I’m saving over $100 a month in diapers 
  • Diaper rash cream – we use Earth Mama Organic Diaper Balm. We wanted something clean and organic and this fit the bill. To date, the baby has never gotten a diaper rash
  • Diaper Pail – there are a lot of fancy diaper pails to choose from but we didn’t think that a diaper pail was something worth splurging on. We got the Dékor Classic Diaper Pail and are quite happy. It’s easy to refill the trash bags and does a good job of controlling the smell because let’s face it, some of those dirty diapers can smell lethal 
  • Wipes – wipes are an absolute necessity. We went with Water Wipes 
  • Bath tub – we purchased the Stokke Flexi Bath Tub in XL. Living in tight quarters, we liked the fact that it folded flat. Also, it has a non-slip base so it’s made safe when your baby starts squirming around. It’s also BPA free 
  • Burp Cloths – trust me when I say you can never have enough burp cloths. We opted for the Burt’s Bee’s Organic Burp Cloths – I liked that they were 100% GOTS certified organic cotton
  • Laundry detergent – babies have sensitive skin so I wanted a detergent that was gentle; we alternate between Seventh Generation Free & Clear and Dr. Bronner’s Pure Castile Liquid Soap. So far the baby has not had any issues with these detergents. We also set our washer to double rinse (which I highly recommend – most washers have this setting these days) to ensure that we’re getting all grime, dirt and detergent off
  • Onesies – you’d be surprised at how many onesies you go through a day during the newborn phase. From diaper blowouts to spit up messes you will need plenty of onesies. I like Burt’s Bees Onesies because they are affordable, great quality and GOTS certified 100% organic cotton
  • Swaddles – you guessed it – Burt’s Bees again for the win. I do love the brand and you can’t beat the price points for GOTS certified 100% organic cotton. I made sure that we were plenty stocked with Burt’s Bees Swaddles at all times as you’d be surprised how quickly you go through them. I also used the swaddles that they gave us at the hospital – they come in handy in a pinch
  • Nipple Cream – I used the Lansinoh Lanolin Nipple Cream for no other reason than it was what the hospital provided and it seemed to be sufficient so I continued to purchase that particular brand

I tried to narrow down to the absolute must-have items. Try to enjoy the process! So grab a matcha latte and get to work on that baby registry! You’ve got this!

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