New York City is getting me down. The reasons I used to love this city are now reasons I’m starting to despise it. The energy of the city which once made me feel so young and alive now fills me with anxiety and dread. The people here that once inspired me now fill me with impatience. My familiar stomping grounds now elicit indifference. What I took as conveniences now feel burdensome. This city that once felt magical now feels quite exhausting.
I can’t quite pinpoint when this happened but it’s been a gradual evolution as I’ve stepped into the role of motherhood. Everything is simply exponentially harder. Should I move to a new neighborhood? Should I buy a car? Do I simply need a bigger space? Or is it time for me move out completely? How do you know when it’s time to move out of NYC??!
Before I had my son, NYC felt truly magical. I loved it here. I loved everything about the city. I truly felt that NYC was the best city in the world. I felt like anything was possible. You never knew who you were going to meet or where the night would take you. At any given moment your life could completely change. I can’t imagine spending my 20’s anywhere else. Partying. Dating. Hustling. Life was an endless adventure. From weekends partying in the Hamptons to nights dancing on tables at Simyone Lounge (what we regulars called SL) – I lived it up.
Once I had retired as a party girl I focused my energy on my career. I got my Masters. I then conquered the CPA. I worked my way up from a Staff Accountant to a Controller. Years of grinding away finally paid off. I was financially stable and had settled into a happy relationship where we enjoyed nice dinners and the occasional trips to the ballet or a broadway show.
Then Zoe came along and everything changed. Life has become so hard. Just getting around town is difficult. The busses are so unreliable. Subways are not only dangerous but mostly impossible to navigate as most don’t even have elevators. Taxis are out out of the question. You try getting into a yellow cab with a baby, car seat, diaper bag, and purse. And forget about Uber Carseat, it’s easier to get a reservation at the Polo Bar than it is to get an Uber with a carseat.
I used to love the seasons in NYC. Growing up in Southern California with temperature staying pretty constant made me appreciate NYC. However, the cold is simply not fun with a baby. You try wrestling with a screaming 1 year to get him into a North Face bodysuit. Forget about the balaclava – you’d think I was skinning him alive the way he screams. And who wants to put on 20 layers just to grab a cup of coffee and a bagel. Not me. Certainly not Zoe.
I also can’t help but notice how dirty the city has become. Maybe it was always this dirty and I was seeing the city though rose colored glasses? Or maybe the city has gotten more and more dirty over time? All I know is that everywhere I turn there is a rat, mouse, or a roach or all three.
Even the museums are overrated. I know, I must sound like a snob but hear me out. I recently went to a museum which I thought would be the perfect educational activity for Zoe. I had planned the whole afternoon around this trip only to find out once I arrived that I had to check in my stroller. And of course, I didn’t bring the carrier. You try carrying a 30 pound baby for an hour. I’m not sure if this is a normal protocol but I went to a few museums in Milan this past winter and had no problem taking the stroller everywhere.
Also the people here are simply a different breed. I used to love the people. I loved their hustle. I loved their drive. I loved their ambition. The only thing I’m ambitious about lately is getting to bed early. I used to really get the New York busyness. But that was the old me: the go-getter Jules. The new mommy Jules just can’t relate. I no longer have that desire to climb the corporate ladder. The only ladders I see myself climbing in the future are those at the jungle gym.
I can’t help but wonder how much my life would improve moving elsewhere. Am I ready? Is it time? Will I regret it? Will I get bored? The grass isn’t always greener. And where would I move to? Long Island? Westchester? Connecticut? New Jersey? We have about 8 more months on our lease but I need to think long and hard now where I want to be in the future.
Maybe it’s time for me to leave the Northeast completely. My parents now live in Florida and I can feel it in my bones that I will end up there eventually. Has that time come? I’d love more space. I’d love living close to the beach. I’d love being close to my parents. I’d love having access to good public schools. All of the quintessential benefits of moving out of New York City are quite alluring.
Also, how am I going to convince my husband? He hasn’t had the same struggles that I’ve dealt with this past year. The stress. The challenges. The loneliness. The few times I’ve approached the topic he seems to think NYC is the best place in the world to raise a family. Maybe we can live bicoastal? We could get a house in South Florida and keep a pied-à-terre in NYC. That would be a win-win for everyone.
What it really boils down to is what is best for Zoe? And what is best for me as his mommy? Where can I be the best version of myself? Where will I be the happiest mommy? Where do I see us growing as a family? Where will we thrive as a family? NYC does’t feel like the answer to any of those questions…
