I’m done with decisions. If I have to make one more decision my head is going to explode. I swear I’m going to lose my mind. Since Zoe was born I’ve had to make what feels like endless decisions. From diapers to bottles to wipes to laundry detergent to shampoo. Actually, the decision making started when I got pregnant. From selecting the right hospital to choosing the right doctor, it has felt like I’m riding a never-ending decision train.
It’s quite exhausting and every decision feels like to carries so much weight. Every decision feels so crucial. What if I buy the sunscreen with benzene? What if I buy the oatmeal with heavy metals? What if I buy the toothpaste with fluoride? Sadly a lot of brands that purport to be ‘clean’ are far from it so I need to research EVERYTHING.
Some decisions are bigger than others, such as finding the right pediatrician or hiring a part-time nanny. These are the decisions I do not take lightly. They directly impact the health, happiness and wellbeing of my son.
Other decisions are by nature not as colossal, for example choosing swaddles or burp clothes. But even these require some research. After doing some online reading I found out that the clothing industry is notoriously toxic. With the addition of dyes, formaldehyde, flame retardants, and pesticides it became clear that even clothing was something I had to scrutinize before buying (which is why I try to purchase exclusively 100% certified organic for Zoe, when possible).
I resent my husband for not helping but I also can’t imagine any husband that is taking this on. Why does this all fall on us mommies? We already do so much. I’m sure most mommies can relate. The burden is too much for us. This is the invisible labor that is my burden and my burden alone. While my husband is drifting off to sleep, I’m still scrolling for a BPA free, dishwasher safe, non-toxic teether for my little tot. I’ve never wanted to divorce him more. How could he possibly sleep when we have a laundry list of things that we need to get for Zoe?
I’ve been agonizing over every decision as if I was selecting his future college. The weight of the decisions takes a toll. Choosing a color for my nails at my last pedicure felt like a chore. I’m sick of making decisions.
I wonder if every mother goes through these motions. Does every mother feel this way? The pressure to make the right decision otherwise the entire future trajectory of Zoe’s life will forever change?
What neighborhood will we raise Zoe? Upper West Side? Tribeca? West Village? Or will we venture deeper into Brooklyn? Or perhaps we will migrate further out to Westchester or Long Island. Or will we leave NY altogether? Maybe Jersey or Connecticut? Maybe the east coast isn’t the best upbringing for Zoe. I’ve always wanted to move to Florida but is that what is best for Zoe?
Where will Zoe go for school? Public? Private? I went to public school but my husband went to private school. What is best for Zoe? What is best for our family? We also don’t have unlimited money so we need to look at our finances and budget accordingly.
The decisions my husband and I make now will affect my son for the rest of his life. That feels heavy. That stakes are high. I just want to do the right thing for him. I want to give him all the things I never had. I want him to live a full life. I want him to reflect on his childhood with only happy and fond memories.
I miss the days when the toughest decision I had to make was where I was going to be able to snag a reservation for dinner.
If you’re feeling like me and are completely overwhelmed with all of the decisions we as mommies have to make then let me remind you that you’re not alone. I feel for you. I hear you. I’m right there with you sister.
I’ve compiled a list of ways to make our life a tiny bit easier:
- Apps – there are apps that you can download and then take a picture of the barcode of the item you are looking into and they either rate it or give you a grade of the item plus an explanation. One that I particularly like for food and personal care is Yuka
- Friends/family – what I have started to do is lean on like-minded friends and family. I have friends/family that are exactly like me and want the very best for their children
- Blogs – there are blogs that do the dirty work for you so you can sit back, grab a snack and simply put items directly into your cart knowing they’ve been vetted… hint hint The Mommy Archives!
- Delegate – sometimes you just need to ask for help. My husband is great at electronics so I asked him to find the best baby monitor and nanny cameras for us. My father is great with cars so I asked him to look into a new car for me as taking the subway with a toddler plus stroller plus diaper bag has become impossible and I’m sick of relying on taxis/Uber/Lyft
- Facebook Groups – I know what you’re thinking, people still use Facebook? The answer is surprisingly yes. There are some really fantastic mommy groups on Facebook that have a plethora of information. And if you don’t see what you’re looking for, feel free to post on the group and women from all over will jump in to help. Don’t worry, you can post annonomously if you’d like. I’m in a few local Mommy Groups and my most recent post was trying to secure a venue for Zoe’s first birthday. They mommies came through and found me a convenient and affordable establishment
Whatever you can do to take the load off yourself will payoff. You certainly can’t do this alone! It will get easier, I promise!
